never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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