and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
