im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
