I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
