Ambien. No doubt about it.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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