But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
