trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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