I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
