Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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