so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
