i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
farters have to be the big spoon...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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