I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
