I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize