on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
