I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
