Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
