i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
