I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
