thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
