Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
