we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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