I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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