dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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