Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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