so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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