So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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