Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have fence marks all over my body
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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