so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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