Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
