just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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