Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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