i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i think i just lost a toe
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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