i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
