Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
