Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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