Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
last night I used snow as a chaser
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
