Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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