She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize