So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
