My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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