I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
