stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
