my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
