what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
