Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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