I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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