I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
