We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
