I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
