you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
