If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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