Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
