just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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