I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
