my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
