Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
