So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
