can u get pink eye on your cock?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
