I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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