Capitaan dildo arrescate!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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