Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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