afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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