I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i've created a new STD.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
